Thursday, May 03, 2007

Open Letter time

Dear Mr. Wind:
You are driving me insane with all your huffing and puffing. Go away. All you do is stir up pollen and make it all but impossible for me to do my job.

Dear Missionaries:
Please, when I say not interested, that is your key to leave. Yes, leave. If I need a book of Mormon, I can get one from one of the numerous families I know who practice your faith but surprisingly enough leave me alone. (Heck, Thing Two attended a birthday party at one of the up and coming leaders of the local stake house. And that goodie bag did not contain a book Mormon.) But just like I don't buy magazines from scruffy looking types trying to earn a scholarship (or pay off their drug debt), I don't really care to buy your religion because you took the time to ring my doorbell.

Neighbor Boys:
Yeah, I know we've got the motherload of a Nerf arsenal. But, today my boys are playing nicely inside with each other. Come back another day. ANOTHER DAY. Not, wait 10 minutes and ring the bell again. Because if you do, trust me, next time them lovely latter day saint chickies come calling , I"ll give them your Momma's phone number (home, work and cell) along with your home address.

Creative yet chaotic types:
Much as I appreciate your easy going attitude towards life, once in awhile, can you meet me half way and be a little bit ready for 18 tracked off kids we've got coming to class? Especially if the class involves mud, paint and my nemesis Mr. Wind?

And finally, Nielson Survey Creators:
Are you high? Do you really expect me to fill out the page that says "List all channels your system receives". Hello, we have like a 300 station satellite dish. And then you want me to note whether I'm watching something from TiVo or regular TV and you want me to note what I am watching in a separate journal for each TV in the house? Forgettabout it! For the week of May 3-10th: we watched The Weather Chanel (so I can know exactly how much Mr. Wind is blowing) over and over and over, pausing only to tune into the Mormon News because man we are so becoming latter day saints thanks to the door to door approach that I'm sure converts millions of us heathens ever stinking day!


tz said...

hahahah, could you just imagine a little book of mormon in a goodie bag...i answered the door to them once when I had like six kids over, i felt like saying, "look i'm already living the 'life'"
speaking of...when is Big Love back on Ms. Nielsen?

Miss Lissa said...

ROTFLOL! I wish Mr. Wind would take his business elsewhere too. Try living on the bluffs of North Douglas County with this wind. Perhaps that's why we haven't had any missionaries around here lately - they were blown to the land of Oz!