Lessons Learned

The waiting ended on Saturday, January 14th.  In the early hours of the morning, Judy lost her battle with cancer.  This past week has actually been one of quiet calmness as we all knew what came next.  The funeral was Friday, a packed house on a warm sunny Colorado day.

And now I find myself reflecting on some lessons I have learned through this experience.  I'm sure the list will continue to grow in the months that follow.  But, in the moment, here is a start.

1.Stay in touch.
In the year before Judy got sick, both she and I found ourselves seeing less and less of each other.  No, we hadn't had a falling out or anything dramatic.  Nope, it was as simple as the kids got older, the schedules got fuller and we just sort of drifted apart.  As I look back on the past 8 months, I was able to re-connect with an old friend.  And yet, even that was bittersweet.  As a nurse, it was only natural that I played the "what if" game of being an early detector.  What if we had been together more in those months leading up to her illness, would I have sensed her health was more compromised and pushed her to go see the doctor sooner?  I know that the What if game  really doesn't get you  anywhere...so  instead, I shall focus on the importance of staying in touch.  Make time for coffee with friends, drop in unannounced (as I used to do but had gotten out of the habit), make those ritual  summer trips back to Wisconsin to see friends and family.    If face-to-face contact isn't always realistic, at least stay in touch through other means.   Email, phone calls, facebook:  use what you've got but stay in touch.

2.  Bake Cookies
During Eric's eulogy (which by the way, rocked the house), he mentioned so many things about Judy but for me, the cookie baking remains a lingering memory.  Who doesn't prefer a home baked cookie over a store bought variety?  I can think of no better way to show someone you care by offering them a home-baked cookie (or other baked treat).    So, there you go, you have been warned...expect more cookies to be coming your way.

3.  Create a community
Sort of along the lines of staying in touch,  yet this is a broader lesson.  Honestly, we can't be in touch and close with everyone that we meet.  That dilutes the quality of our relationships..  But, we can create a sense of community that supports us when one is in a rough spot.  Judy's many communities were well represented on Friday.    Beyond her immediate family, I spotted members of Eric's work community, friends from Judy's volunteer efforts, many friends from the girls' school communities.  But the one that warmed my heart the most was seeing so many people from our own neighborhood community of Park View.  Maybe they had met Judy only while she was out walking her huge dogs through the open spaces.  Or perhaps they only knew of her through others stories of her fun filled ways. Perhaps they were part of her amazing Angel Tree.    It didn't really matter: here in the suburbs, where we often wonder does anyone know their neighbors any more, was a community that really came together.  It is critical that where ever we go, whatever we do...we connect with our community on some level.

4.  Be Happy
By far, the biggest lesson I have learned from Judy during our 14+ years of friendship is to Be Happy.  A couple years ago, long before this cancer became known, I shared my gratitude of Judy in one of  my Thanksgiving posts.    Those observations of her being able to find Joy in the Journey remain stronger than ever.  Being happy was Judy's trademark feature.  A few of us were included into her inner circle and know that she had plenty of reasons to be less than happy with the way her childhood abruptly ended when she was 14 and her mother passed away rather suddenly.  She did not let that define her adult experiences and went on to be part of one of the happiest marriages I have ever seen, raising 3 amazing, bright, and happy girls.

When she was diagnosed, her desire to be happy continued to be a request of hers.  As a slightly more cynical type, I thought at first this was a coping strategy more closely aligned with denial.  But, as I watched her story unfold, I realized, nope, this was simply Judy's way of approaching her illness.  Through this ability to be happy, even when there are 1001 reasons not be...she is showing her daughters that you can make it through tough times.

For Judy, her tough times have ended.  Her faith in God and her belief in the everlasting life assures us that she  continues to be happy.  We honor her and her friendship when we try to find that happiness and joy in this journey...even if we are a bit more of an Eeyore in our approach to life.

Judy...thank you for the friendship and the love...you will remain forever in my heart!
Ciao Chick!

Returning to a favorite

Last night, I completed a covert operation.  Having received word from my sources that someone in the House of Lish was struggling, I kidnapped Judy's middle daughter, Allie and took her over to "her other mom's" house (thanks Donna for letting us crash your family dinner).  Together we laughed, cried, told sassy stories (ok, that was mostly MY doing) and celebrated the gifts that come from making friends out of our neighbors.

This morning, recovering from the migraine I had during the night (was it the tears or the red wine?  Probably a little bit of both) I was reminded of this video.  I shared it a few years ago on my blog but now the sentiments are even more relevant given the struggles of the past 8 months.

As I sit in "waiting mode", it is good to be reminded of the truth...we will transcend!

*Tissues required

What I learned from Christmas 2011

  Try not to blink...because if you do...the little boy in the overalls, waiting anxiously for Santa to arrive, is soon ....

A young man of 12, willing and able to help his family and the neighbors deal with the close to the foot of snow that arrived just days before Christmas.  

 When all else fails, caramel corn that tastes just like Grandma used to make is sure to bring about some holiday cheer....

However, Things given too much sugar are likely to prove to be less than cooperative when you try to take the traditional Christmas Eve-new pajamas photo...

 And while they decided they were too old to build gingerbread houses...they are not too old to build a lego set (Thanks Auntie Laura, it was a HUGE hit!)

 When I set my mind to it....I can indeed channel my inner Martha and put together a delicious feast worthy of the title "food porn".  (notice, veggies without company?  better call the doctor, she must be sick!)

 Just like when they were younger, playing with the packaging is half the fun

 Santa not only sees all, he apparently smelled all!  

 The hubby...can indeed smile (he's got this week off from work...)

14 is not too old for a pillow pet...especially if you finally find a moose one!

As we finish out the year, I recall the blessings of this year....good food, good times, good friends and of course,  good health.  No matter what sadness and challenges cross our path, may I always find the courage to REMEMBER all that is good in my life!  

IKEA, the rest of the story...

It all started rather innocent...The Things were asking about new chairs for their video den.  I suggested we check out what they had at IKEA.
But first, we decided to grab a snack...

And, while I wasn't looking, I fear they over-indulged on Mountain Dew and Lingonberry  Soda.  For we hadn't gotten very far when younger Thing announced he needed to use the restroom.

As he ran towards the nearest (and maybe only) bathroom, he started to giggle "Man, those Swedes must have BIG bladders...I can't believe a store this big has only ONE bathroom?

Giddy Up, Crazy Child!

             And from there...we all got a case of the giggles.  I watched in wonder      and in delight as they entertained me with their silly and humorous ways.

Even I couldn't resist joining in the mayhem

Bucket Boys...

They were rather amused to find a doll that looked "just like us"....but of course, it couldn't stop there...they went on about "you didn't put us in pink striped onesies" did you?

Through the laughter of it all...I was reminded what the Christmas season should be about...spending time with those we love, those who make us laugh and those who are able to distract us, if just for a few hours from the worries of the day.  Thanks Boys!  You made my day!  

And sadly, we left IKEA empty handed...as the chairs were deemed "not right, Ma"...

Who needs Disney?

Friday, the Things were in r.a.r.e form as we visited IKEA. Not sure what it was, but the planets were all in alignment and all three of us were in sync with the sillies. I've tried to upload other photos but Blogger isn't wanting to play nice.

So instead, I shall share with you their grand finale....dancing and singing.
I suppose it was one of those "You had to be there..." but they really were wound up and crazy which just made me smile...for it was one of those days when all I could do was laugh it off.

3 days to go

Day 28: Thankful that by nature, I am a morning person. I really enjoyed my long 5 day weekend. I found myself staying up late and (gasp) sleeping in. I worried that returning to work this morning would be challenge (or stating it bluntly, re-entry was really going to s*ck). But the truth is, I am mostly a morning person. So while I wasn't awake when the alarm went off at 5:20 a.m., after

my hot shower and cup of coffee, I was set to face the challenges of work.

Judy (holding Thing 2) with her daughter Barb. October 1999

Day 29: Today I am thankful for my health. Oh sure, I have the random aches and pains, the occasional headaches and I am carrying more weight than I should for my height. But overall, I am healthy as is my hubby and my kids. Not everyone is so fortunate....we wait patiently to

hear whether Judy's body is responding to the chemo she has been receiving. Yesterday she was due to have some studies that would give the doctors insight into her condition. I simply cannot imagine what that must be like...to put your body through such challenges as chemo, to endure the testing process and then to wait for the phone to ring with the results.

Day 30: I'm thankful for online friends. While they aren't physically close enough to be a part of our every day lives, they are still as dear to me and precious as my neighborhood friends. Instead of gathering for coffee or joining in book club, we connect through comments on blogs, exchanges on message boards and emails that all offer those same words of encouragement, reassurance and thoughtful insight.

I have a quote that hangs in my craft room....Friends are the family you meet along the way. When my mom made that for me so many years ago, she surely didn't know about Internet friendships (as Al Gore hadn't invented the Internet yet)...but I am sure that she'd have to agree...it doesn't matter how the friendship starts...they really do play an important role in our lives.

Thank-you friends and family for joining me on this November journey of thankfulness....

Catching up continues

Day 25: Thanks, but I'll have to pass on the madness of Black Friday shopping. Instead, the boys asked to go see a movie. And there is where I found my daily gratitude: thankful that their taste in movies is maturing. They asked to go see Tower Heist with Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy. It was a fun movie...and considerably less crowded than the Muppet Movie (which we'd all like to see as well, just not on opening weekend).

Day 26: Thankful for finishing the family Christmas letter. Yes, I know...it isn't even December 1st, but I'm wired such that I can't start the Christmas shopping, decorating or baking until I write the letter. And sometimes the creative mojo just isn't flowing. But it was today and so we cranked it out, picked some pictures and now all I need to do is put it all together and mail them out in the next week or so.
Day 27: Thankful for a dedicated craft space. While it is hard to believe if you saw how much stuff I still have, I have been working on clearing through some of my crafting supplies. Recently, I reached the point where I decided I needed to reorganize the actual storage system and requested an early Christmas present. This is the Expedit bookshelf, sold at IKEA and very popular with scrapbook fanatics because of the square design that fits our over-sized books so nicely. I am in love with my reorganized space and am hopeful that the crafting mojo will really start to flow!

Wrapping up thankfulness...Day 23 and 24

Day 23...thankful for the gift of coffee club. This is a picture from earlier this year, but every Wednesday, we gather at the local coffee shop for good coffee and great conversation. Work gets in the way for some of us, but I know that the love and support of these women is just a quick phone call away.

Day 24: The big day of giving Thanks has arrived. And this year, I was thankful for our simple plans to celebrate. In years past, we've gathered with friends but this year would be different and we found ourselves home alone. There was a sense of calm and quiet that came with just being together as a family of 4. I'm sure next year I'll be up for playing hostess, but this year...it was a treat to just be with my 3 guys.

Thankful for...Day 22

a good book.

Thankful for...Day 21

Another quick one...thankful for ibuprofen. For a short week, it was a long day. Leaving me with a headache and a back ache. (I don't think I sat down for more than 5 minutes at a stretch today). And to go with those Advil...I'm thankful for the hot bath that is next on the to-do list.

Thankful for...Day 20

I'm thankful for "the team effort" that the Things and the Hubby have been displaying here at The House of Chang. Earlier this Fall, I was feeling over-worked and under-appreciated on the domestic home front and had several meltdowns and temper tantrums. Not the ideal strategy to incorporate change, but hey...in my defense I was stressed.

Since then, things have been so much better at home. They all pitch in and the work gets done in half the time it took me to do solo. Today, we tackled a couple bigger projects: as we moved all the electronics out of the boys' bedrooms and finally bought Thing Two a real bed (he'd outgrown his twin bed, and initially thought a futon was the way to go, maximizing his floor space in his room. Yeah...those things are not very comfortable, are they?).

None of this would have been possible had we not all pitched in and worked together....thanks guys!

Thankful for...Day 19

Today, the boys and I were reminded how fortunate we are to have the resources to put together a Thanksgiving meal. Thanks, Terri for letting our family help your church in making sure that 200+ families in need will also have the items they need to feast next week.

Thankful for...Day 18

Friday....and yes, some days, the gratitude is as simple as the day of the week.

Thankful for...Day 17

Google...oh how did we manage without it?

Especially when your oldest child remembered his homework (yeah) but forgot his notes....and it's been way too long since I had to balance a chemistry equation.

type in a quick search and boom...my old mama brain has been refreshed...and we're back in homework checking business!

Thankful for...Day 16

Thing Two has been having some struggles adjusting to the challenges of middle school. Frustrating times here in the House of Chang as we sort through forgotten homework, assignments not turned in, distracted in class and other "growing pains" that come with transitioning to middle school. His one consistently happy place is Orchestra. Tonight, we enjoyed his first concert. I am thankful that even in the middle of rough times, he has found something school related that puts a smile on his face. It gives me hope...that soon the rest of school will involve more smiles, and less tears.

Thankful for...Day 15

Today I am thankful for Stewie....he's cute, he's fun to ride and today...he was my only means of transportation. My car is in the shop, unsure when I'll have her back. So until then, it's Scooter and Me. I guess the bonus gratitude is that even if I didn't have Stewie, I'd be ok for a couple days...as there is pretty much everything I need within walking distance. Work, grocery, fast food, even a frozen yogurt spot. Yep, we COULD manage for awhile without a car. What we can do vs. what we want to do...well...yeah, let's hope the car is fixed quickly.

Thankful for....Day 14

Not a day goes by at work, that I don't give thanks that my children are fortunate enough to have that soft place to land at the end of their day. where the parents love them, unconditionally, support them in their pursuits, providing rules and boundaries, forgive them when they falter.

I have come to appreciate that even out here in the 'burbs, that this is not a given. Too many kids are struggling, with parents either not available physically and emotionally.

I am thankful that both my hubby and I are present....and there for our kids. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Thankful for...Day 13

How I spent my Sunday: Going to church, having donuts for breakfast, catching up on shows that have been recorded, helping a reluctant child finish up some homework he really didn't want to do on his own, taking a nap, chatting with family, doing a load (or two-three-four) of laundry. There is so much to be enjoyed on a lazy Sunday (ok, for the record, while I don't enjoy laundry, it is a necessary chore)....and I am thankful that our family schedule is such that this is actually a rather typical way of spending Sundays.

Thankful for...Day 12

Today, on my 16th wedding anniversary, I am thankful for the gift of marriage. This poem has been around for a long time....but the words ring true for Hubby and I. Not every day is perfect, we have our ups and downs, our ins and outs, but the trend is always in the upward direction. Hubby, Happy Anniversary....I hope you like the present I got you...(which is...money in the bank...he said he wanted nothing, he gets nothing!).

Recipe For A Happy Marriage Poem

4 cups of Love 2 cups of Loyalty Dash of Faith 3 cups of Kindness 4 cups of Understanding 1 cup of Friendship 5 spoonfuls of Hope 1 barrel of Laughter Pinch of Forgiveness (no substitutions) Dash of Thoughtfulness (not optional)

Take love and loyalty and mix thoroughly with faith. Blend in kindness and understanding, add friendship and hope. Sprinkle

abundantly with laughter. Garnish with forgiveness and thoughtfulness. Bake with sunshine. Serve daily with generous helpings.

Thankful for...Day 11

Veteran's Day...2011....I've shared before my gratitude for military service. It really was the launching point for so many amazing things that have happened in my life...both personally and professionally. This year, our district placed a tremendous amount of emphasis on Veterans Day: from tribute cards to mail to vets, visiting active duty to lead the school in the pledge, to the

visual tributes I'm sharing in the post. So, while I will always remain thankful for having had the opportunity to serve my country, this year I am also thankful to work for an employer that continues to respect and recognize our nation's military.

*visiting military service members (parents of students), and school staff that are Vets. (missing are about 4 other staff)