Power of the Peppermint

Today I had a meeting to attend. My new (and fabulous) health tech was holding down the fort. One of our frequent fliers came in reporting a tummy ache. She tossed him a peppermint and sent him back to class (see, I told you she was good).

Not long after this...we hear a radio call looking for Peppermint Boy. Seems he was AWOL.
We reported that no, we were not harboring this fugitive and the security team went searching for him.

Next thing I know, Peppermint Boy is back in our clinic. Only this time he is escorted by the Dean. Sure 'nuf, Peppermint Boy is higher than a kite. Seems he had a different idea on what would settle his upset tummy.

Open Letters

Dear Cowards:
No, we haven't forgotten. 9 years later, and the horror of that day lives on in our memories. Not only will we never forget, I will never forgive.
Proud Patriot


Dear Helicopter Mom
I'm so sorry that "someone" forgot to take the medicine out of your daughter's back pack. I hope by "someone" you really mean your daughter. Because, I've got 2399 other little darlings to worry about. I don't inspect the backpacks. That's the Dean's job. And trust me, he ain't looking for what your daughter is packing!
Weary School Nurse

Good Afternoon Mrs. Germaphobe
I'm so sorry to hear that Princess has strep. You say she caught it on the bus? Oh my bad, here I thought it was from the boy I saw her kissing last week. Sure, I can let the bus driver know she needs to disinfect her ride. But let's just be clear, if Princess ends up preggers, you probably might want to re-think my "germ theory".
Nurse Blunt

Brought to you by the letter F

Today's entry is sponsored by the letter F...

Family: here we are, helping Janet and Oscar celebrate their wedding.

And Foolishness...

Foolishness is not limited to my Teen Thing.

Friday...where does one begin? With the young lady who came into the clinic, throwing up again. This marked the 3rd time in a week that she presented with such symptoms. I asked that touchy question "do you think you could be pregnant?" NO WAY, she replied, I can prove it. She apparently had just had a battery of blood tests done that ruled our pregnancy but confirmed chlamydia. "Do you think my medicine for my chlamydia is making me sick?

Fire Drills: should be a fun time, right?

Breaks up the routine of the day. Get outside and enjoy some fresh air on a cool morning?

Nope...soon after they made the all clear sign, security escorted the wounded to me.

Seems two boys decided that being outside,surrounded by peers and every administrator on campus, was a great time to have a fist fight. The kid with the split lip and the emerging black eye? Got hit by the kid with just one arm.

(seriously? you can't make this stuff up).

Fried

Ah, lunch time...business is usually pretty slow in the nurse's office.

Not so today. Apparently, Wendy's was serving up something "special". Or so one of our regulars wanted us to believe. She was escorted to my clinic by the Deans. She stunk...yeah...THAT type of smell. She looked at me all dazed and confused

"Honest Miss, We went to Wendy's and someone else in the car smoked the pot"

Now granted, I've never smoked, pot or cigs...but it seems to me that of all the drugs out there,

pot is the one substance best enjoyed with others. You mean to tell me she smoked and didn't share? I find that impossible to believe.

The truth?

Was in her eyes, her smell and the fact that when asked to close her eyes and touch her nose

She missed...by quite a bit At this point, I lost it, and laughed..

This is the same young lady who last Spring also made a visit to my office. That time she admitted to having smoked some stuff. But, in her defense, well, it was her Mama's medicinal marijuana and Mama was in the hospital and thus getting the good stuff. She didn't want it to go to waste. Again, being a novice on this whole topic of pot, I didn't think weed "went bad".

These kids?

Do they really think we are that stupid?

Apparently so.

So now you can understand why this weekend,

I'm just resting, relaxing and re-grouping...

For the fun that awaits me when I return to work on Tuesday!

What not to say...the school nurse edition

I may not hold as much power as some folks do in the high school hierarchy (office ladies and building engineers probably tie for the win in that category), but I do have some "pull". So, here's a brief crash course of What Not to Say when you need something from the nurse

• Never should you start the conversation with "My daughter is a cheerleader". First of all, I wasn't nor do I care that she is a cheerleader (though the Big Cheese boss was, but that's not the reason I respect her leadership style). But, seriously, in my years of medical work, never has cheerleader been a major factor in any health related concern. When the mom continues on to state that Princess is passing out and needs to be able to bring a snack into the classroom, along with maybe some juice, I stop the mom right there. "I'll be happy to provide some sort of pass and note to the teachers if you can submit a note from her doctor that these things are medically indicated". Mom of course notes that well "they don't really know why she is doing this, so there isn't a diagnosis". Oh, I can help out with that part...perhaps it is because SHE"S A CHEERLEADER?!
• Never should you start the conversation with "Well, I got my lip pierced yesterday". OK, if it is before class, during lunch or your off period, I might be willing to help you out. Last time I checked, body piercings of all types were elective. Elective means you don't need to miss class to get a bag of ice...and certainly not when you have had the previous 90 minutes off and never felt the need to come get some ice during your time.
• Never should you claim to not have the funds to purchase "girl stuff" (it's only a quarter, and you've come in for the past 3 days without the quarter) and then immediately start to diss my selection of "stuff". Seriously? If you don't like what we've got, then perhaps bring your own (um, hello, this wasn't a Mother Nature surprise...Day 3 sistah...see that big backpack you've got? Am quiet certain there is room for one tiny kotex in there).

As you can see, we're back in school mode. In case you ever wondered, no...there is little if any "honeymoon period" to the foolish side of school nursing.

Delayed

Thing Two goes to middle school right next door to my school. His day ends about 15 minutes after our high schoolers get out. The plan is that he is to come to my office and then we head home together.

This afternoon, he struts into my clinic, grinning from ear to ear saying "I'm sorry I was late, Mom...but I was delayed"

"Delayed?" I asked "by what?"

"The CHEERLEADERS!" he proudly announced.

Ego tripping

It started when they invited me to join them for lunch...yeah, the cool kids let me in on where they all sit and eat lunch together. I hear that previous nurse NEVER reached this status with the office team.

Now today, I arrived to find a very sick teacher, surrounded by some concerned co-workers and administrators. We quickly sent her off to urgent care, when I remarked "my guess is it is kidney stones".

Sure enough, later on the boss lady comes to tell me "you were right, it was kidney stones". She was gushing in her praise of my assessment.

They think I'm a genius...oh my, it really does pay to be the only medical type in the building. Because seriously? it's a rather n0-brainer if it presents in a typical fashion.

Oh well...I'll gladly take another hit to the ego...
Yep, it's been a good week (even if I'm exhausted from sorting through thousands of pieces of paper without a tech to help me stay sane...)

You like what?

Driving with the Things this morning, the Teen-thing randomly blurts out "I like porn"

What? I try to remain calm...remember, this is the quirky Thing...things aren't always as they seem.

I replied with a "What did you say?"
He must have realized he goofed up as he quickly added "Oh, I meant I like the word porn".

"Now, son, what are you talking about?" (getting a little more worried where this conversation is headed)

Blushing he said," You know pictures of the girls".
heart starting to race a little faster, stay calm, don't frighten him off

"With or without clothes?" I cautiously ask

"Eww, Mom, that's gross...why would anyone like to look at pictures of girls without their clothes on?"

Ah...that's the answer I needed to hear. Crisis averted!

Career "firsts"

You'd think after working as a nurse on/off for 23 years, there would be few "firsts" still be experienced. I remember the first time the doctors ended up being younger than me. I remember the first time I had a male boss (nursing is still a mostly female profession, even military health care). And there were of course all the other standard nursing firsts: your first successful IV start on the first stick, your first med error (you will make one, it is only a matter of time), and of course your first patient death (which for me was followed by another death the next day, and two more the day after. Death does not come in just threes when you work on a geriatric medical surgical unit in the days before Hospice).

What's left? Well, my school boss...is a former cheerleader. Never would I have seen that coming. Nursing people tend to have been band geeks, or science freaks. Maybe a couple of us went out for a sport or two. But typically cheerleaders just aren't drawn towards blood and other bodily fluids.
And tonight is my other first....I have to attend a meeting at the school. The "all coaches" call. Yeah, me Miss non-sports fan sitting in a room full of jocks. But, we all need to know about the plans for rapidly responding to possible head injuries...so off I'll go.

And to think that a team meeting is going to result in my missing Back-to-School night for the younger Thing. Never would I have predicted that...there is indeed...always a first!

The truth is in the laundry...

Everyone warned me. Boys and their desire to bathe will diminish during the tween-teen years.
No, not Thing One. He loves his showers and his baths.

Um, yeah...even he has fallen off the shower wagon.

How did I discover it?
Folding laundry, I counted 7 pairs of boxers for the Hubby and 7 for the younger thing.

Anyone want to guess how many of Thing One's shorts I found?
TWO...two pairs....

Dude, take a shower...AND change your briefs!
Girls don't like a stinky boy...nor does your mama.

A new week

And a new set of adventures to be had.

For starters, you could say we were
Transformed by Chicago...

Nah, we just stumbled upon the filming of Transformers 3

Can you guess which Thing was most jazzed by this unexpected finding?

We found our way to the giant kidney bean...

Found ourselves being overwhelmed by all that the Museum of Science and Industry had to offer..

Next up...was the trip to the Top...

Where even the teen Thing went out on the ledge...

So, now we're on to a new day...
With the first stop, Soldier's Field
(sorry, no Bears were spotted)

We'd heard this place held a surprise or two...

Hello SUE!

So shy around cameras...

My turn to choose:

Another unexpected discovery..
(yes, he managed to fit his entire body in that box)

No rest of for the weary...
We're off to the Pier and some fireworks

And finally...we're almost ready to head home..
But first, let's kill some time with the critters at
the Lincoln Park Zoo

If you don't have girl Things, then the only shop on Michigan Ave.
worth stopping at is

And that folks, is a wrap...
Chicago is indeed a fabulous family friendly destination to check out!

All in a week

So, last week we started out with this:Lining up for our Bike Parade


Pie Eating Contest

Can you guess who the winner was?
Despite the fun of the Fourth, the younger Thing was a tad jealous of his brother's new

Birthday Lego set.

When I suggested we sort the giant tub of mismatched parts

Well, you can see we were able to turn that frown upside down...

Celebrating both America's Birthday and the Thing becoming a teen

was not to mark the end of the week of fun

We attempted to infuse some education into the week...

But countless other families apparently had the same idea so we headed off for a picnic

Which included rock climbing

And some unplanned water fun...

Still not ready to call it a wrap, I loaded up just my Things and we headed for...

Hubby and the Russian Bride joined us as well...

The teen Thing fussed but at one point in the car ride up Trail Ridge road,

I heard him talking to the trees:

"Down in front, you trees! You are blocking my view!

See, I knew I just needed to get him unplugged for a wee bit...

I even made us all get out of our vehicles and we hiked to Alberta Falls.

Hold the applause, I suggested we take the short cut back that included a shuttle ride to the trail head.

I decided enough...Super Mom was hanging up her cape...
With one last parting shot for the blog.

*Keep this foolishness up, and I'll need to go back to work to REST!*

A perfect day

Not every day is perfect. But yesterday? Came about as close as you can ask for.

13 years before, Thing One made his entry into the world. At 0304 to be exact. Yesterday, he made a quite entry into the Teen Era. Yes, I said quiet. Hard to imagine if you have ever met this Thing in real life.

His birthday requests were equally low-key. He wanted a new lego set. He wanted chicken for breakfast. And he wanted to go for a motorcycle ride with his dad.

Ah, if only he'd bless us with such simple requests throughout the teen years.

Heavy rains on the 4th meant the neighbors played with their "illegals" on the 5th. Fireworks on his birthday after all! Way cool!

Hey, a girl can always hope, right?

But knowing that isn't possible, instead I shall savor the sweetness that was yesterday...his first day as a teenager!

Car Talk

What is about riding with just Thing Two that he decides NOW is the time to ask those tough questions?

Today's question: "Mom, why don't boys have periods?"
Um...pause...searching for the right words...
Good thing I stalled...because otherwise I'm sure I would have offered up too much information.

"Because you know, it isn't really fair...I hear the girls get to miss school when it starts. I want to miss school".

School's out...

On the first day of vacation: I took a nap
On the second day of vacation: I got a pedicure
On the third day of vacation: I read a book (cover-to-cover!)

School is out....and I couldn't be happier!

Mission accomplished!

On a crazy whim, I suggested to some of my on-line scrapbooking buddies, that we try do to a page a day in the month of May. While I didn't do a page EACH day, I did manage to create 33 pages this month. While I am proud of completing this task, I can also tell you that for now, I'm going to give scrapbooking a bit of break. Just a slight case of burn out is building! But fear not, I've got another crafty-challenge in mind for June. Join me....if you dare!

This picture slideshow personalized with Smilebox

My mistake...

Nobody likes to admit they are wrong, myself included.

Yesterday, a staff member came in with a cut on his hand. "Can I have a band aid?"
As I had him rinse off his hand, I took a look at his cut.
"Sir, I don't think a band aid is going to work. I think you might need a stitch".

He returned later in the day, grinning. Seems he didn't need A stitch, he need FOUR!

Ouch...

Some things just aren't worth trying to explain...

This evening, while driving with Thing Two, I was telling him how happy we are for a friend who just finished her graduate degree. She earned her master's in Special Education. Go, Ms. Colleen-O!

Of course, Thing Two asked if I had such a degree. Nope, I started grad school, but sort of got distracted by l.o.v.e. and now it just doesn't appeal to me to go finish it up.

so, he said "Oh, then you just have your bachelorette's degree?"

"Well, son, it's called a Bachelor's degree but yes"...

"How can that be, I mean, no offense Mom, but you are a girl...that makes it a bachelorette degree, right?"

Yep...we'll just go with that...............

Lacerations, Seizures and Bottles....OH MY!

Fridays are supposed to be quiet.
Someone apparently forgot to tell "my kids".

where does one start after a day like today?

Well...there was the "princess" with the "laceration". More like paper cut, but since a knife and an art project was involved, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. She came in 3 times...and somewhere along the line I must have over-educated her on why her "wound" looked so good and didn't warrant sutures. Visit #4? I'm 99% certain she opened it up....wide enough now to be of concern. "Go ahead, you win" is what I really wanted to say...but instead? I just smiled.

Or what about the boy who had a rather major seizure (with no medical history)...right there in the library. Witnessed by the calmest people in the building (librarians...I'm finding they tend not to embellish as much as some of our other staff). Stabilized the patient, contacted the fireman hotties, and called the person listed as "Dad" on the cell phone. I can't begin to express my disappointment when his first concern was "Why an ambulance? Who is going to pay for that damn thing?". Gee dad...so glad your son was still semi-conscious and missed your caring words!

And the day ended with what I am hoping was a prank call....mystery boy calls my private line. Says he did something really stupid and how does he get "something" that is "stuck" in a bottle. He was at home and his mom was due home any minute. My co-worker roared with laughter as I said, "At this point, you'd better just put a blanket over your lap, and tell your mama you need to go to the hospital!".

And you wonder why I"m sipping Merlot still trying to unwind from the drama that luckily isn't an every day occurrence!

Learning the lingo...

Today, a young lady asked me "So, are you the new nurse?" As I started to reply, one of my frequent fliers (and yet a favorite kid of mine) quickly chimed in with an enthusiastic "Yeah, and she is G!".

Apparently, the look on my face betrayed my ignorance....as two other girls started howling with laughter, patting me on the back saying "Nurse, you don't know what that means, do you?"

Apparently being branded G is not only Good but it stands for Gangsta...

Proud to be G....but showing my age when I wish it meant gracious or good?!

Geek Appreciation

A little background: the main t.v. died this past week. We bought a replacement. Hubby learned the best signal for HD-tv comes from satellite. Yesterday, we switched from cable to Direct-satellite tv.

This morning, Thing One is watching t.v. with me.
In awe of the new system, he says "This is the BEST decision Dad has ever made!"

"Um, hello, what about when he asked me to marry him?" I teased

"Oh yeah, that too...but come on, Mom, have you seen how fast this guide feature works?"