Car Talk

What is about riding with just Thing Two that he decides NOW is the time to ask those tough questions?

Today's question: "Mom, why don't boys have periods?"
Um...pause...searching for the right words...
Good thing I stalled...because otherwise I'm sure I would have offered up too much information.

"Because you know, it isn't really fair...I hear the girls get to miss school when it starts. I want to miss school".

School's out...

On the first day of vacation: I took a nap
On the second day of vacation: I got a pedicure
On the third day of vacation: I read a book (cover-to-cover!)

School is out....and I couldn't be happier!

Mission accomplished!

On a crazy whim, I suggested to some of my on-line scrapbooking buddies, that we try do to a page a day in the month of May. While I didn't do a page EACH day, I did manage to create 33 pages this month. While I am proud of completing this task, I can also tell you that for now, I'm going to give scrapbooking a bit of break. Just a slight case of burn out is building! But fear not, I've got another crafty-challenge in mind for June. Join me....if you dare!

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My mistake...

Nobody likes to admit they are wrong, myself included.

Yesterday, a staff member came in with a cut on his hand. "Can I have a band aid?"
As I had him rinse off his hand, I took a look at his cut.
"Sir, I don't think a band aid is going to work. I think you might need a stitch".

He returned later in the day, grinning. Seems he didn't need A stitch, he need FOUR!

Ouch...

Some things just aren't worth trying to explain...

This evening, while driving with Thing Two, I was telling him how happy we are for a friend who just finished her graduate degree. She earned her master's in Special Education. Go, Ms. Colleen-O!

Of course, Thing Two asked if I had such a degree. Nope, I started grad school, but sort of got distracted by l.o.v.e. and now it just doesn't appeal to me to go finish it up.

so, he said "Oh, then you just have your bachelorette's degree?"

"Well, son, it's called a Bachelor's degree but yes"...

"How can that be, I mean, no offense Mom, but you are a girl...that makes it a bachelorette degree, right?"

Yep...we'll just go with that...............

Lacerations, Seizures and Bottles....OH MY!

Fridays are supposed to be quiet.
Someone apparently forgot to tell "my kids".

where does one start after a day like today?

Well...there was the "princess" with the "laceration". More like paper cut, but since a knife and an art project was involved, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. She came in 3 times...and somewhere along the line I must have over-educated her on why her "wound" looked so good and didn't warrant sutures. Visit #4? I'm 99% certain she opened it up....wide enough now to be of concern. "Go ahead, you win" is what I really wanted to say...but instead? I just smiled.

Or what about the boy who had a rather major seizure (with no medical history)...right there in the library. Witnessed by the calmest people in the building (librarians...I'm finding they tend not to embellish as much as some of our other staff). Stabilized the patient, contacted the fireman hotties, and called the person listed as "Dad" on the cell phone. I can't begin to express my disappointment when his first concern was "Why an ambulance? Who is going to pay for that damn thing?". Gee dad...so glad your son was still semi-conscious and missed your caring words!

And the day ended with what I am hoping was a prank call....mystery boy calls my private line. Says he did something really stupid and how does he get "something" that is "stuck" in a bottle. He was at home and his mom was due home any minute. My co-worker roared with laughter as I said, "At this point, you'd better just put a blanket over your lap, and tell your mama you need to go to the hospital!".

And you wonder why I"m sipping Merlot still trying to unwind from the drama that luckily isn't an every day occurrence!

Learning the lingo...

Today, a young lady asked me "So, are you the new nurse?" As I started to reply, one of my frequent fliers (and yet a favorite kid of mine) quickly chimed in with an enthusiastic "Yeah, and she is G!".

Apparently, the look on my face betrayed my ignorance....as two other girls started howling with laughter, patting me on the back saying "Nurse, you don't know what that means, do you?"

Apparently being branded G is not only Good but it stands for Gangsta...

Proud to be G....but showing my age when I wish it meant gracious or good?!

Geek Appreciation

A little background: the main t.v. died this past week. We bought a replacement. Hubby learned the best signal for HD-tv comes from satellite. Yesterday, we switched from cable to Direct-satellite tv.

This morning, Thing One is watching t.v. with me.
In awe of the new system, he says "This is the BEST decision Dad has ever made!"

"Um, hello, what about when he asked me to marry him?" I teased

"Oh yeah, that too...but come on, Mom, have you seen how fast this guide feature works?"

4.20:

Who knew that today was National Weed Day?
I figured it out after the 3rd drug evaluation sent to my office by the dean's office.

Gonna test the limits of the deans' sense of humor....baking them some brownies to take to work tomorrow and say "Congrats, you survived 4.20".

Oh those poor Things...by the time they reach this school, they won't be able to get away with anything! I'll be fully educated and "aware" on the crazy things high school kids try to do!

While I was away...

Pretty neat place, isn't it? Thanks Mrs. M. for inviting me to join you on your fun girl's weekend.

I'm so happy I went.....and hoping that happiness gets me up and moving tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off way too early!

When I got home this afternoon, I'm whining to the Things about my super-stuffy nose. Thing One, with his future in medicine now firmly ruled OUT, announced "well, it is probabl y because you were up there at that higher evolution!".

Besides sitting by the fire, sipping my wine and watching the snow fall...I did find my crafty mojo....spending the weekend revisiting our trip to SW Colorado. Hope you enjoy these 'recaps'

These are just 6 of the 20 pages I finished this weekend. Go ME!

You never forget your "first"

Today, I made my first call to 911 as a school nurse. I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to make such a call. I mean, after all there is only so much one can do as the school nurse....

I just wish I didn't have to make this type of call...

A student, so depressed, he woke up this morning and decided that handfuls of pills would help eas his pain.

Kudos to the brave girlfriend who marched him into my office before the day had even started.
Kudos to his extended family for their concern and support as they rushed to his side...focusing on the positive "he told someone, we're so relieved he told someone...."
Kudos to the staff at my school that stepped right in and helped out
Kudos to the prompt response from our local emergency service personnel (ok, it helps that they are but 1/2 miles down the street).

I hope I never forget this boy: the sadness and fear in his eyes, the cry for help he was making through his actions.

And know...that this is why I do what I do....to be there for "my 2000 kids"....

Who are you?

and....what have you done with my first born son?

and....well, it's OK if the old version stays missing for a bit longer....

Tomorrow Thing One has a MAJOR social studies unit final. In chatting with another mom, I learned that the teacher was offering some sort of after-school review/tutor session last Friday.

As I started to get all worked up over the reality that Thing One had blown off this opportunity to put in some supervised study time with his teacher, Thing One quickly corrects me:

"Mom, it wasn't after school, it was at lunch on Friday and I went!"

"Really? You went without me even knowing it was going to happen? You took initiative and knew this was important?"....I asked.

"Well, D'OH....I didn't want you to go all MULK" on me" (Mulk: a word coined by the Things to describe their loving Mother when she morphs into the HULK).

Aw......the Mulk is melting away....her super powers of nagging not necessary at this moment in time.

She stole MY hug!

I'm working at a huge school, over 2k students. So, it's really not unusual that 4 weeks into the job, I still haven't met the big cheese, primary principal of the school. I've met the APs, the deans, the security...I figured I"d getting around to meeting Ms GHV at some point.

Yesterday, I was off, and my friend K was subbing for me (Thanks K, not that you read the blog, but if you do, thanks! I appreciate anyone willing to cover for me!).

And of course, YESTERDAY is when Ms. GHV decided to make a quick visit...she goes up to K and gives her a huge hug and says "Thank you so much for filling in and doing such a great job! We're so glad to have you on our team".

My wonderful tech, Ms. D. is watching this and realized "Oh no, she thinks K is Martha". So, Ms. D, being the direct one interjects "Oh that's NOT Martha Chang"....but apparently Ms. GHV had somewhere else to be because she scurried out of the office so quickly we're not sure if she heard Ms. D.

Ms. D. has vowed to get me my hug back. Me? I'm OK....just knowing she is aware that there is a new sheriff in town and is pleased with my performance, she can be confused as to who I really am (and luckily for me, K. does a good job subbing so I think the praise for our department will happen whether I'm there or not).

Back to reality....the school nurse edition

Yesterday was the first day back after Spring Break....was expecting to be busy and suffice to say the expectations were met.

Let's see...we had plenty of worried well: "My friend has the flu, and well, do you think I have it too?" (kid is seriously concerned but healthy as all get out)

We had a few of the stupid stunts result in pain: "Well, you know, when I was in Costa Rica for Spring Break, um, I don't think my sunscreen worked so well" (kid has a serious burn on her face, splotchy/patchy suggesting she might not have been paying attention when she put it on).

There was the "I started taking the pill yesterday and now I feel horrible" (called her mom who I immediately fell in like with...."Tell her to just s*ck it up, she begged to try this because her cramps are so bad...she needs to make up her mind...cramps or some adjustment to this med. Nobody ever told her life would be easy, plus, she's probably just tired because she wouldn't go to bed last night like told her too". Puking Princess gave us an Oscar worthy performance as she told us she was going to throw up...cough cough, nada nada.

Loads of stomach aches, head aches but nothing really all that worrisome....except the young high school junior, who says "Oh my, the baby was kicking me in my ribs all night. I'm just so tired of being pregnant". Ok, medically not so much worrisome....that was more of the mom-in-me worried....she's so young to be a mom.

And then it seems like word has gotten out to the staff that there is someone knew in the office: The Dean came by to ask me about his 2 yr old daughter's teething issues (which was hilarious, because he's this huge-no-nonsense tough as nails kind of man, and was very worried about his sick baby girl). The Special Ed teacher came by to have his hand looked at. (didn't get a great story out of that, but had a real feel good conversation as it is very likely this man will be working with Thing One in a couple years). A math teacher came by to have her bruised leg looked at (Spring Skiing is slick: ski vs. tree, the tree always wins).

Today I'm off....as the younger Thing is off track and my boss offered to find a sub for a couple of the times so I could still do the mom-thing with my son.

Have I mentioned lately how much I enjoy this job? Oh sure, I'm certain the job will get tiresome and the 0500 wake up alarm has already gotten old...but the conditions of the work and the support I feel from the school administration is rather heart warming. I think I'm gonna like this job!

Superstitions...

Yesterday at work, another staff member mentioned her kids "trick" for ensuring a snow day. You apparently wear your pajamas inside out and stick a spoon under your pillow. When I told my guys about it, they, of course, were all over this idea.

As with most superstitions, they make little sense...but boy, were my boys happy to learn that yes indeed, today school was deemed a snow day.

Thing Two comes down this morning, and hands over the spoon....proudly reporting "You probably want to wash it good....I used it to scratch that embarrassing itch".

Boys....it always come back to the bodily functions or body parts, doesn't it?

Ever notice...

How paying bills isn't such a dreadful chore...when you have a job?

Finished week #1 as the long-term sub and I was still smiling/standing by the end of the week.

The house? Well...suffice to say, we're still under the "adjustment" phase of the juggling acts that working-outside the home moms have mastered.

How to cure new car fever

This entry is written by me, but imagine it is from Hubby's perspective.

Step One: Listen to wife as she whines about her old van...where the check engine light goes on with increasing regularity.

Step Two: Offer to have old car serviced, smile and nod when she says "but it isn't worth that much, can't we just get a new car?"

Step Three: Wipe the drool off her chin as she shows you this is the car she dreams of owning.

Step Four: Share in her joy when she comes home and reports she's been offered her own clinic after just one week as a substitute nurse.

Step Five: Save your victory dance for when she comes home and admits "Maybe I don't want that car. Why leave a shiny new car in a high school parking lot? The last nurse had her windows busted by some disgruntled student after the nurse turned him in for using drugs".

Fear Factor

Not sure which is more scary

1. Arriving at a clinic in a high school, being greeted by a cheerful and efficient assistant who informs you "we are so leaving right as the bell rings today." Ok, works for me, it is Friday after all (and I"m on my 7th straight day of working: that's a lot for this recent SAHM).
   She then drops the tidbit that "yeah, security called and apparently the Bloods and Crips aren't getting along as well as they had been and with it being Friday we just want to get out before they call us to bandage up the wounded".

2. Taking her recommendation to head straight out, I find that I had accidentally parked in
student lot. Stuck in the parking lot with HS kids (with no more than a couple years
driving experience under their belt), on a Friday....all trying to get out of dodge before the sh*t hits the fan. Or even more worrisome....on a Friday after new "product" had
recently been delivered (one kid needed a neuro check after his teacher sent him to the dean for suspected "use")

Yep, sometimes there really is no right answer!
*disclaimer, I was not at the neighborhood school today. 'nuf said!

Perspective

First day working my new job (subbing as a nurse at an area high school)...

• 1st patient: tearful 15 year old, who took a test last night and it was positive. Now what she wonders?

• 2nd patient: "Um, I need some alcohol for this"...and young girl sticks out her tongue, pierced and yeah....infected.

• 3rd patient: "I'm intoxicated". Really? I didn't notice that you smell like a tavern, you are puking and it isn't even 11 a.m. This young 16 yr old was escorted via ambulance to the local hospital after his blood alcohol level registered 0.124.
  

• 4th patient: Thing One......calling me on my way to my afternoon gig at another high school. Tearfully he tells me "Mom, I am so sorry....but this was my fourth tardy to theatre arts. I promise, it won't happen again".

Ok, so he isn't pierced, pregnant or puking......I think I should just count my blessings on this one!

What are they trying to tell me?

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