What not to say...the school nurse edition

I may not hold as much power as some folks do in the high school hierarchy (office ladies and building engineers probably tie for the win in that category), but I do have some "pull". So, here's a brief crash course of What Not to Say when you need something from the nurse

• Never should you start the conversation with "My daughter is a cheerleader". First of all, I wasn't nor do I care that she is a cheerleader (though the Big Cheese boss was, but that's not the reason I respect her leadership style). But, seriously, in my years of medical work, never has cheerleader been a major factor in any health related concern. When the mom continues on to state that Princess is passing out and needs to be able to bring a snack into the classroom, along with maybe some juice, I stop the mom right there. "I'll be happy to provide some sort of pass and note to the teachers if you can submit a note from her doctor that these things are medically indicated". Mom of course notes that well "they don't really know why she is doing this, so there isn't a diagnosis". Oh, I can help out with that part...perhaps it is because SHE"S A CHEERLEADER?!
• Never should you start the conversation with "Well, I got my lip pierced yesterday". OK, if it is before class, during lunch or your off period, I might be willing to help you out. Last time I checked, body piercings of all types were elective. Elective means you don't need to miss class to get a bag of ice...and certainly not when you have had the previous 90 minutes off and never felt the need to come get some ice during your time.
• Never should you claim to not have the funds to purchase "girl stuff" (it's only a quarter, and you've come in for the past 3 days without the quarter) and then immediately start to diss my selection of "stuff". Seriously? If you don't like what we've got, then perhaps bring your own (um, hello, this wasn't a Mother Nature surprise...Day 3 sistah...see that big backpack you've got? Am quiet certain there is room for one tiny kotex in there).

As you can see, we're back in school mode. In case you ever wondered, no...there is little if any "honeymoon period" to the foolish side of school nursing.